I know Baxter wants to get away from Jacques Lacan. Myself I'd like to shore up an understanding of what Lacan means by Real.
In the course of a person's lifetime, meanings gather moss as they gain shades and layers. A mind can easily hold fast to a spot on the symbolic order, think it rather cute and pour stuff into it, imagine our world without retard, puerile and cretin, which you just can't do with sums. The thing is, in Lacan's way of looking at it, there's a distinction to be made between Reality and The Real. Far from there being two distinct words to mark the difference in a manageable way, real is all bundled into real.
In short, for Lacan, "Reality" is the world we have built using symbols and images. "The Real" is everything else. Sounds far too easy and a little pointless until you adjust the meanings a little by suggesting: "The story of reality can be changed, The Real can't." Then you might be persuaded to ask: "Does The Real care about me?" The answer to that is: "No sirree! But Reality does its best to try."
Indeed, lo and behold, all of reality has been built on the idea of making you and I happy, and if not happy, then at least constructively motivated.
Being an ambitions male with a lifestyle to maintain, Our Man Jacques Lacan quickly concluded that Freud was absolutely right, when it comes to hardcore mental imbalance, morbid unhappiness, intermittent explosive disorder or whatever you wanted to call it, there were certainly reputations to be made but there was no actual cure for the fundamental Human Condition.
But he had noticed that in the wider society we people spent an inordinate amount of time in a pursuit which because he grew up proper he might have phrased this way: "Colluding to adapt to social norms." This collusion, he ventured to observe, had its casualties, but without the moral support of other gossiping idolaters we would all become casualties of The Real and under those circumstances where would reliable help come from.
There might be no cure for those whom the Symbolic World, Reality, had failed to embrace with the sort of love and appreciation that fills the void and makes it possible to dramatically reduce contact with The Real. But in terms of symbol making, an "I" that sat alone on a bench staring at the Liffey River and listening to the ducks, might find solace in dreaming of his dressing room, hunting around for the material out of which to make symbols that better suited him.
For Lacan that would require a person to accept "The Real" as real and "Reality" as an order of symbols, some of which made no sense whatsoever. For James Joyce it was developing a writing style that was "famously experimental and complex" that would challenge the professors of the English Literature, or it was "pretentious, overly difficult, deliberately obscure and fragmented" that rescued him from losing his mind to the isolation of preferring the company of park benches to the company of people.